Know Thyself: 5 Steps to Cultivate Self-Awareness
Knowledge of self is a vital first step in cultivating self-awareness and becoming self-directed. Further, the ability to study and understand ourselves is one of the most essential skills we can develop in the pursuit of personal growth.
Thoughts and feelings that fester below our level of awareness can have a sizeable effect on how we perceive a situation and subsequently react. The fact is that most of our thoughts and actions are on autopilot. When we’re not consciously aware of our emotional influences, our habits and impulses lead the way. Most often, flawed decision-making follows.
According to a study conducted by organizational psychologists, 95% of people believe they are self-aware. It turns out only 12-15% of people really are! So basically, on any given day, about 80 percent of us are lying about ourselves—to ourselves.
Scary much? Well, maybe we don’t know what self-awareness is or how to obtain it. Or perhaps the price of self-awareness is too high…
Why do we lack self-awareness?
Professor Kets de Vries, founder of INSEAD’S Global Leadership Center, argues that self-centeredness established in narcissism prevents individuals and organizations from achieving their full potential. Other obstacles, like an inability to process feedback and failure to spend time in self-reflection, inhibit us from gaining the right level of awareness.
Life is a slippery slope of distractions that keep us from getting a handle on our true selves and deepest desires. Our personal clarity can be blurred by the expectations of others and our ingrained desire to please, says Will Mancini, author of The Clarity Spiral (free e-book). The undetected influence of others can quickly lead to living life by someone else’s measure. Others are distracted by the allure of gain, a preoccupation with busyness, or a projection of self that not only keep others from knowing them fully but also blinds themselves.
More than intention, we must possess the courage and humility to know ourselves.
What is self-awareness, anyway?
Self-awareness was theorized in 1972 by Duval and Wicklund in their book A Theory of Objective Self-Awareness. The book argues that if we focus our attention inwardly on ourselves, we tend to compare our behavior in the current moment to our general standards and values. Simply put, self-awareness is the capacity to observe ourselves and to take notice of patterns within our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
According to Daniel Coleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, “Self-Awareness [does not] get carried away by emotions, overacting, and amplifying what is perceived. Rather, it is a neutral mode that maintains self-reflectiveness even amidst turbulent emotions.” This makes way for an impartial consciousness that is not judgmental or reactive.
Dr. Tasha Eurich, author of Insight, defines self-awareness as “the ability to see ourselves clearly and to understand who we are.” She further identifies two types of self-awareness. There is a traditional internal self-awareness of how we see and understand ourselves as well as external self-awareness of understanding how others see us.
Cultivating self-awareness can significantly reduce many of the overlooked hindrances to communication, productivity, relationships, and so much more. When we know how we’re feeling and acknowledge the perception of others, we can recognize where our thoughts and feelings are leading us and can make adjustments accordingly.
What are the benefits of self-awareness?
Clearer thinking and cognizant decision-making. When we make space and time for reflection we can identify the assumptions and bias behind our decisions. When we’re self-aware we set goals that are in line with our authentic self rather than external influences.
More effective communication. The best communicators are good listeners. We’ve all heard it, but rarely are we cognizant of the fact most people talk over each other. Self-awareness allows for listening that is uninhibited by assumptions and judgments that diminish healthy communication. Before we can listen intently to others, we must discover how to listen attentively to ourselves.
Stronger relationships. Self-awareness can also dramatically affect our relationships. With self-awareness also comes self-compassion. Viewing yourself objectively is to acknowledge and accept who and where you are. By understanding who we are, self-awareness also allows us to better understand what we need most from others. When you’re self-aware, you are also best equipped to understand others and how they perceive you. Perspective-taking enables empathic responses to the plight of others. This, in turn strengthens relationships and connections.
Improved mood stability. Another benefit of self-awareness is self-control or improved self-regulation. Awareness of self keeps us from riding the emotional rollercoaster the day can bring.
Increased productivity and performance. When we struggle with procrastination, it’s usually because our thoughts, emotions, or habits distract us. When we can identify our feelings and disruptive patterns, we can more effectively allow them to pass. There’s growing acknowledgment that self-awareness may be a critical driver of continuous leadership improvement and help move performance from good to great.
Learning how to become more self-aware is one of the first steps to creating the life you want and deserve. Although challenging, it’s a skill that anyone can learn and develop with the right exercises and habits.
How to cultivate self-awareness:
1. Observe yourself objectively without bias.
This of course, can be challenging but also rewarding as you learn how your mind works. Examine what excites or upsets you and how you respond in these intense moments. While we all withdraw from negative experiences and subsequent emotions, there are particular emotions that we especially dislike. Ask yourself why and what are you avoiding? Is avoidance really helping you or prolonging the issue?
Identify cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are habitual thought patterns that cause people to view reality with bias. They can warp how we see the world and even ourselves.
Alternatively, we lack self-awareness because we’re overwhelmed with our thoughts and imposed to-dos. A consistent mindfulness practice will bring understanding to how the thinking mind works and how much there is to you beyond the content of your thoughts. When you practice observing our thoughts without attachment to preconceived notions, you begin to realize you are not your thoughts.
2. Learn how to recognize and name your emotion.
The ability to recognized and express what you’re feeling is paramount to cultivating self-awareness. Say it out loud, “I am feeling______.” Own it, understand it, release it. Not only does this exercise help you to understand what matters, it also gives you a moment to consciously choose how you react.
3. Keep a journal.
Similar to meditating, writing will help you to clarify your values and intentions. It doesn’t have to be eloquent or even organized to benefit from getting it all out on paper.
Don’t know what to write about? Ask yourself questions like what’s one small action item you can do consistently that would impact where you want to be in the future. (Schedule that one thing, friends)! Then without judgment, ask yourself, why haven’t you done it yet? Somewhere in the answers is an important message for you.
For more introspective journal prompts, subscribe to our newsletter!
4. Be aware of distractions.
But really, how many times have you have been sucked into a rabbit hole on your phone, in a conversation, or otherwise only to realize you had intentions of doing something else. Be sure that you are choosing your distractions, and your distractions aren’t choosing you.
5. Request feedback.
When delivered and received appropriately, constructive feedback allows us to develop external awareness and understand our strengths and weaknesses more clearly. In addition to periodically asking friends and family, try reaching out to your work peers to inquire about their first impression and current perception of you.
CONCLUSION
Gentle, non-judgmental personal clarity is immensely transformational in cultivating self-awareness. The key to sound decision-making and the ability to shake off a bad mood depends on your level of self-knowledge.
Always make time to study yourself.
Recommended Reads
Click to purchase
Click to purchase
WorkPlayRefresh editors only endorse products we genuinely love. If you select an item to purchase through our affiliate links, we may earn a commission. Learn more, here.
